How are you doing?
I’m doing okay.
I’m doing okay.
I’m doing okay.
I just wanted to have a quick little conversation
with you about something
that’s been going on lately.
That is that I’ve been having this realization about myself.
I have been realizing more and more what my superpower is.
The biggest one I’m really trying to understand is the empath stuff.
The feeling of other people’s energies.
The collective energy, just like everything….
So I feel very deeply and I started to realize in the past three or four years..um, actually it’s been about five years, since I started to learned about being empathic.
Since I really learned about the difference or realizing that there was fear versus love.
I had no idea.
Like that concept seems so simple, right?
Like, yeah, you could be operating from a place of fear.
You could be operating from a place of love.
But for some reason never in my life was I shown that or told that that’s how I was being or those are the spectrums of how we show up and how we show up is based on how we feel.
And it just blew my mind and changed my life entirely when I was given that phrase.
It’s like I just remember the day, the moment.
I remember where I was.
I know who told me…
And that’s the same person who also showed me that I was very empathic and I didn’t know what that meant.
And I still don’t even know if I really know, but that’s the thing I’m trying to figure out is, understanding, you know, what it is that causes me to feel so deeply.
Recognizing how certain emotions feel in my body, and how it affects my health.
But more specifically, it’s like these situations then trigger an emotion and why do I feel the way I feel when this event happens?
Why do I feel the way I feel about doing certain things.
You know, understanding, oh, this action I take, or this thing that I have to do makes me feel this way.
And, it feels good and I enjoy it.
So why do you enjoy it?
Why do you do it?
What do you get from it?
On the other side of that, it’s like, this is what I have to do and this is what I don’t like to do and this is how it makes me feel and this is why I do it.
And when you can understand the things that you do and, and the things that happen to you often, daily kind of thing, and the actions you take.
And how that makes you feel.
If you can understand how you feel most of the time inside your body.
Inside your mind inside your heart.
But of course, you have to be willing to be honest with yourself and you have to be willing to get still and listen.
To understand these parameters.
The details of yourself.
But ultimately it’s the details of ourself and how we feel that help us understand who we are and why we are and how we are, is always creating our reality.
And so as I pursue my quest to heal and get well..
The cancer situation is what started my quest because I thought I was gonna die and I didn’t wanna die not doing the work.
It just felt like the reason I was sick was because I didn’t have this love.
I didn’t have the vibration of love.
I didn’t know what it was.
But that’s what it takes to be well.
Alignment is love.
Balance is love.
And when we’re coming from that point of view everything just flows and it is so perfect and so divine and so fun and so well.
And that’s how we get to wellness.
That’s how we become well-beings.
Human beings who feel well.
So the work is about creating a life that feels well.
And the only way you can do that is by filling yourself up.
The only way you can do that is by understanding what makes you feel well and what doesn’t.
Who makes you feel well and who doesn’t.
And so for me, as an empath and realizing what an empath is and how my feelings aren’t always mine and how the pain I feel in my body isn’t necessarily my pain.
This is what being empathic, really is.
One of the qualities of being very empathic is your ability to feel the emotion.
The energy of someone else.
But the problem with that is that we can pick up on these energies.
These emotions and take them on.
And those emotions aren’t ours.
We don’t feel that way.
But because we are so empathic it becomes part of us and affects who we are.
It affects our ability to feel our own emotion and to understand ourself.
And then it affects your ability to really find who you are, express who you are.
Be who you are confidently.
Hang on a sec.
So, yeah, while it’s a kind of a superpower to be able to have that ability cuz it then can help you understand other people and when you understand other people, you can help them.
Or if anything, you get to realize who is empowering you and who is disempowering you.
And when you have that information and that knowledge.
Then you can be more discerning about what you give your attention to or your power to.
If it doesn’t feel good and you’re on the quest to heal then you stop associating or surrounding yourself around people that don’t feel good.
And then that’s how you create the boundaries and the momentum of feeling good.
But that’s why it’s so important that you’re willing to do the work to be like, yeah, this doesn’t feel good.
But that’s what I really want to get to is, we have to be willing to understand those emotions, you know, and that’s something I’ve been really working with and doing the work on.
It’s like, you know, this doesn’t feel good.
I don’t know why exactly.
But I have to have faith and trust.
Faith and trust that the emotion that this doesn’t feel good is actually a message.
It’s there to warn me or to tell me that it’s time to course correct or, I’m not in alignment.
Something is off.
So then I have to do the work to not participate in something that doesn’t feel good, even if it feels like the wrong thing to do in other ways.
Usually when you listen to how you feel, it won’t make sense in your mind.
Your mind’s gonna be like, no, this isn’t right.
We need to do this because of this.
But you know in your heart that the real currency.
The real reward comes when you honor your feelings.
It comes when you care about how you feel and you’re willing to be the parent and do whatever it takes to create a reality that feels good.
And so, yeah, it’s hard in some ways because sometimes you have to take apart what is working.
But if you don’t feel good doing it then it’s not actually working.
Because working is when you are well.
And most people are not well.
They’re taking from nothing.
So you fill yourself up in ways that aren’t always obvious.
But it’s like you gotta do the work.
The fine detailed work.
Being, the silent observer so you can discern who feels good and who doesn’t.
Going within and in meditation and listening to the voices in your head and realizing and recognizing the red threads and the main complaints.
And so for me personally, I just feel like I have a very weird and unique situation.
I just feel like, well…
To be honest..
Like all evidence says I’m dead.
All evidence says I’m dead.
Like how do you know if you’re dead or not?
I don’t know…
But I certainly don’t feel like…
At the same time, it just feels like life sucks…
This never ending pandemic bullshit.
It’s not just that, you know…
it’s everything that’s coming with it.
It’s like, what the fuck?
But I have this vision and this plan that, you know…
In spite of everything that’s happened.
In spite of being dead and dying.
In spite of not knowing where I am, or why I am, and on this quest to get somewhere great.
You know, in spite of never, never getting there, and in spite of what’s going on out there.
I still have this deep knowing that I’m gonna do something great because of it all.
Because of everything that I’ve gone through.
Everything I’ve done to do what I’ve done, and to become who I’ve become.
It is all because I followed my heart and I listened to how I felt…
Well, at least that’s what I eventually started to do.
But I learned the hard way what happens when you don’t.
So basically I had to get myself out of a really shitty situation, and that cost me a lot.
But I learned a very valuable lesson.
And so now where I stand, I have that lesson so ingrained in me.
It’s like now, I’m so not willing to tolerate what doesn’t feel good.
And the great news is…
I don’t know how or like if it works for everyone.
I don’t know, but like it’s working for me.
As I’ve started to understand what I need to be well…
And really honoring that, and really doing whatever I can to create that environment that keeps filling myself up.
Filling myself up…
As I pursue the quest, I’m learning to establish boundaries.
It’s making me feel better about myself.
I find myself feeling more powerful.
And I think that’s why I’m feeling better.
And that’s why whatever happens it’s because I learned to see and feel the vibration of love.
I really think that self-love is very misunderstood, and I think that until you get it, it’s really hard to be a great person.
It’s really hard to do what you came here to do.
Or to be able to let who is in you out.
And how we give Self-love, is very different than how we give, each other love.
Like self-love requires you to be your own doctor.
Your own health detective.
Your own government.
Your own justice system.
Your own education system.
Like if you really want to win, and become the best version of yourself all the systems that you rely on out there, are never going to give you what you want.
Everything that is out there, is actually within you, and your job is to cultivate the systems within yourself, and become the leader of yourself.
Become the creator of yourself.
That’s what we have to be doing.
And, that’s basically what I’m doing…
What I did.
But you have to understand, it takes an entirely different way of seeing, and thinking.
And so the message I’m trying to convey, if I feel like something doesn’t feel good, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to not do it anymore.
Whatever that means.
But like, I don’t wanna keep subjecting myself to something that doesn’t feel good.
Now, of course, we’re going to experience things that don’t feel good.
When you become the deliberate creator of your own reality, and you’re acting from a place of self-love, then you stop experiencing, so many things that don’t feel good.
Like rolling up a snowball, you know.
Most of us have rolled up a snowball built on pain and not feeling good, so that’s what we keep getting.
But you have to let that snowball melt, by getting still and, stop doing, what you’ve been doing for a while.
And then you’ll basically be melting the layers of pain by doing the work.
And then you do the work to build up, a new snowball.
A snowball of love, and feeling good.
And so then yes, you’re still gonna experience situation ships that will be challenging.
But, the challenges don’t have to always be so hard and so painful.
And that’s what we as a collective.
We have to start giving ourselves
the permission to feel good.
We have to give ourselves permission to really win.
We have to give ourselves permission, to go within.
We have to give ourselves permission to awaken.
Yes, we have to be willing to let more in.
Giving to ourselves instead of giving ourselves away.
We have to be willing to change the course.
Change the direction we’ve been going on.
So you have to have faith and trust…
Faith and trust in your feelings.
And it can be so hard to admit to ourselves, how we feel, because like I said, it might mean that you have to take apart, what feels comfortable, cuz it’s what you know.
It’s familiar and we like familiar.
But so many people stay in relationships, that are suffocating them.
Relationships that are built on pain, and hardships.
And you think, because you got married or something, that you have to try to make it work.
Like you’ve been indoctrinated to believe that, being miserable with someone else, is the right thing to do.
And it’s just like, that is so much of the problem.
So many people are in relationships, that are killing them inside, and it’s just like, ugh…
It’s like it kills me when I think about it because, I know what it’s like.
I know what it’s like to be with someone that you don’t wanna be with, but you don’t even realize it.
And or you do realize it, but you don’t know what to do, or how to get yourself to walk away, because even though you don’t sleep together.
Even though there’s no intimacy.
Even though you’re not happy.
Even though you cheat on each other.
It’s like, yeah, but you stay for the kids.
Or you stay because you should.
Or you stay for whatever bullshit reason
you’ve come up with, because it’s easier.
But it’s actually taking so much from you.
And so what are you giving in other areas of your life?
What are you giving when you have, really nothing to give because, you’re not giving to yourself, and who you’re with is taking from you, and causing you to leak energy out.
And then you have these coping mechanisms, that are self sabotaging, so that’s causing you to leak energy out.
So basically you’re just constantly leaking energy out, and you think that you are giving to others, and you’re being your best self.
Well, you’re sadly mistaken, my friend, because you’re not giving anything.
What you think you’re giving…
It’s murky and it’s not really productive.
It’s like, why even bother?
So many unsatisfying relationships because people are too afraid to be alone, and actually do the work that works.
Too afraid to actually go within and fix shit.
Just so fucking pathetic and lazy…
I think it’s laziness.
If I can do it, anybody can do it.
I’m not special.
I didn’t have anybody holding my hand.
What I did, I did it because I did the work.
I made a choice every day.
Fear or love.
Faith and trust…
Worry and doubt.
That’s what creates our reality.
And like I said, we’re not taught this stuff so how could we have known?
How could we have known how important emotions were gonna be.
You know, like, I mean, maybe they’re teaching the kids something different nowadays than what I’m aware of.
But I know back in the day when I was growing up they did not talk about shit.
And like I just grew up in such a toxic environment so I always, always felt the pain and this like…
Or this devilish energy..
And the empath in me, she didn’t know what to do with that.
So much heaviness, so early, you know?
And when we don’t know how to deal with our emotions, our emotions deal with us, and that’s why we end up, having so many adults who are so fucked up.
Humans or adults who don’t have any idea, what love actually is.
They can say the word but…
Love is not what you say, it’s what you do.
And you can feel the difference.
You can feel the difference between someone who truly loves you and supports you.
You can feel the difference.
We know when something is good and when something is bad.
And the sad reality is a lot of people are operating at a low vibrational place.
Like a place where they don’t feel loved within themselves so that’s how they do everything.
How you do anything is how you do everything okay?
How you do anything is how you do everything.
So I learned a very valuable lesson today regarding faith and trust.
One thing I will say is that I do still have a lot of work to do.
A lot of expansion and growing to do…
It’s so hard because like…
I just wanna be where the juice is, you know?
Like, I wanna be banana cream pudding.
I love banana cream pudding.
I wish I wanted to make it, but I’m just not quite there in the cooking arts yet, but I am working on it.
But like, I want my life to feel like banana cream pudding.
And I believe it’s possible.
And maybe I’m crazy, but it’s only possible if I change my vibration.
Banana cream pudding is a high vibration.
Anyway, I sort of feel a little bad because I made up a story about something and…
I don’t know if I was right or wrong.
I trusted myself.
I had faith in my feeling and I acted on it.
And I did what I wouldn’t normally do.
Like I acted on behalf of my heart instead of my mind.
Or my monster who would be like, no, I should do this.
But my heart’s like, I don’t want to do this.
So whose side do I take?
But I made the decision to follow my heart.
And, this is the key message…
I’m still learning the difference…
I don’t know who my heart is all the time and I don’t know who is my head.
I don’t know if it’s fear or if it’s love.
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong.
And so I’m still in the process of learning and understanding what my emotions, and my triggers are.
And so every time I make the decision, to go against what I think is logically right to do, and I follow my heart.
I’m always like…
I feel like I’m walking on a tight rope, and I’m gonna fall.
But I haven’t fallen yet.
It seems like things are getting better.
It seems like…
Every time I honor my feelings, I build more momentum up.
More momentum of wellbeing.
More momentum of good feelings.
So maybe the takeaway message is this…
Maybe what I should do is, start practicing making banana cream pudding.
Maybe I should just start making a batch of banana cream pudding everyday.
Make some banana cream pudding.
Er-day make some bandana cream pudding.
Banana cream pudding.
Banana cream Pudding.
Er-day I’mma make some banana cream pudding.
Er-day I’mma make some banana cream pudding.
And in order to create the reality you want, you wanna get clear on how you want to feel.
How do you wanna feel in your day-to-day life?
And I always correlate that feeling or what I want my life to feel like to food.
I don’t know why.
I don’t even really like food that much.
Like I’m the kind of person that eats to live.
I don’t live to eat, you know?
But that’s mainly because
I’m just such a terrible cook.
Every time I make something, it’s just like this is so gross, Linda.
Why, why Linda, did you make this again?
You know, we suck.
Why didn’t you just get takeout?
And I hate takeout.
So I am trying to become a cooking artist on the side of everything else.
But it’s like not quite there yet.
But I digress, the things that I do enjoy eating or when I do find something that tastes so good, because I’m so empathic, and because I feel so deeply.
I’m just like, I feel the food.
It’s fucking good.
It’s so good.
It’s so good.
But banana cream pudding is so good.
And so if I can taste and experience banana cream pudding daily, then I start to activate the emotion of that feeling.
The feeling of banana cream pudding.
And, then my intentions…
My ability to open up to creativity, and get the information I need to create stuff…
Basically, you set the intention for your life, and then by you doing the work to feel good.
You activate law of attraction to bring to you people, places, and opportunities, that you need to fulfill your quest.
To fulfill your vision.
So that’s why the way we do things from this point of view, we don’t go out and try to make it happen, but instead we go within and we calibrate to the vibration.
To the emotion of how we want to feel.
And then life…
The universe brings to you what you need to fill in your grid.
That’s why it’s so important to understand
That this work…
It’s so different than what we’ve ever done.
The exact opposite.
You need to become a sphere.
Become a sphere, and become the food you love.
Become the food you love…
Become the taste of the food you love.
Become the emotion of the taste of the food you love.
That’s what you gotta do.
So, yeah, this was really about faith and trust and I’m really doing it.
And I’ve done it with everything very precisely in the last six months.
And I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress and I feel like something about tomorrow is pretty big…
I don’t know what exactly…
I don’t know why…
But I was getting messages regarding this day.
So we’ll see.
Maybe I’m just crazy and looking deeper than I need to look.
But we’ll see.
Tomorrow’s right around the corner.