Skip to main content

I thought about killing myself today.

Who’s that?

I don’t know.

That’s what I have to figure out.

Who are you?

A monster masquerading as you.

Who am I?

The version of myself I don’t really know because I was too busy being you for so long.

It’s been that way since infancy, and that’s why my forest got so dark and deep.

You keep me running from the story, so I could never find peace.

And that’s all I ever wanted…

To be free and happy to create epic shit without you always making me feel like I can’t.

You make me think I’m not good enough to be myself, so I became someone else.

That’s why I spent most of my life running, and that’s why I ended up self-destructing.

They called it a cancer diagnosis, but you and both know, it was you trying to take me out.

Now that I’m awake and aware of you.

I’m launching a formal investigation into myself so I can get to the roots of why you do what you do.

I need to sort through the confessions you documented so I can see who I really am and why we’re so against each other.

Then I’m sure once I collect all the pieces of me, I’ll have enough evidence that proves you’re clinically crazy.

Which will justify my plans to kill myself permanently.

And I thought about doing it today…

Premeditated murder.

But it’s to soon for that.

I still need to interrogate you on some things, and then I need to present the evidence to the higher ups so they can see that my pain wasn’t actually from me.

That I really did love you, but you are the one that wouldn’t let me love me.

And now that I’ve accepted myself, I know that for the sake of my health, I can’t keep the cycles of pain going anymore.

I’m here to save the world, and I can’t do that when you’re always in the background trying to stop me from doing the work.

So really…

In the end…

My plans to kill myself will actually be self-defense.

And now…

Everyone know happening.

I called up my mother.

I called up the others.

Said I’m about to go out.

I’m gon’ put my lights out.

I can’t take it no more.

I can’t take the accord.

I can’t fake being yours.

Get so dark there’s no hope.

Get so high on my dope.

Get so lost on myself.

I don’t need any help.

Go so long I break down.

I’m a nobody now…

I have nobody now…

I have no one to call.

I have nothing at all.

They gone be so surprised when they think that I died.

They won’t know what to think.

How could this be her fate?

Why’d she end it that way?

I’m gon’ change my own name.

Then I’ll make it the same.

Then I’ll come back insane

It’s a different type of rules that we gone play.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah…

See ya Sarah, we don’t play.

The illusion of self.

Self D.O.A.

Self think he a hero, I don’t see no cape.

Nope.

I don’t see no…

Um, yeah…

I don’t see no…

If I wasn’t shining so bright, I’d be dark as shade.

Don’t worry friend it’s gone be O-tay. 

Can’t stop the call, take the call to change.

I thought I was past my high school days. 

Even when I went broke, I ain’t break.

How ‘ya gone hate girl, we go waaaaaaay back…

To when I was so fun and you liked my maaaaagnet…

Caught the lies and affairs and you can’t admmmmit that. 

Don’t get socked in the heart cuz you know you can’t coooooome back. 

Paid the breast cancer bill cuz this shit done got waaaaay whack. 

They wanna see me go cray….

Yeah.

Yeah.

Blew myself up watched the pieces fall down. 

I did the work and I love myself now. 

This is my story about killing myself.