I wanna spend all day naked in bed.
I wanna wake up and cuddle and talk about our plans.
I wanna go on dates and run errands.
I wanna miss her when she leaves, and I wanna get excited to see her again.
I wanna make out all the time…
I wanna have phone sex…
And airport sex…
And sex in the kitchen
And I want us to kiss like we can’t get enough of each others spit.
But, I’ll be honest…
I’m desperately afraid of all of this.
I’m afraid to open myself up, and I’m afraid to fall in love…
But not for all the reasons most people are afraid to fall.
For me.
I’m afraid to love like I’ve been dreaming of for fear that I’ll lose my health again, and then once again, I’ll be abandoned.
So for me, my daydreams of being in love keep me safe because, there, love doesn’t leave, and I am perfectly healthy.
But I’ll be honest….
Sometimes I wonder if my fear of love is the very thing that will tear me apart, more than love itself.
